"For Our Troops..."

Typically I write one article a day, at best. Even more typical I may go a few days without saying a word. Well, that’s not true. I still talk all the time but I just don’t stop to put down some rambling thoughts for you all to read.

I still find it amazing that people come to my blog and care to read my thoughts. Because most of my thoughts don’t even make sense! I still don’t know which is worse, me thinking these things or you taking the time out of your busy schedules to read these things. It doesn’t speak highly of you!

I’m pretty sure Psychologist will one day soon ask you as a screening question if you read my blog. If you do, it would help him diagnose your many mental short-comings.

But I digress…

Something happened to me that I wanted to share with you. And then, it occurred to me how I can help our men and women over seas fighting the good fight.

As you know, I live in Texas. What you may NOT be aware of is that Texas is known for more than what you’re thinking it is known for. We have more than long horns, Dallas Cowboys, and oil wells here! We also have an abundance of Mexican food!

I have yet to figure out if that’s because Texans love to eat Mexican food or if it’s because we have so many Mexicans in Texas. Are we just trying to cater to our Mexican immigrants? I mean, if all us Americans decided to move to Mexico, would there suddenly spring up a huge outcrop of Pizza joints? Wait…that’s Italian. Ok, a huge outcrop of American food? Whatever that would be. I don’t know. But I know I’m not starting a movement to move there to find out!

But again, I digress…

The other morning found me at the drive thru of one of my favorite Mexican restaurant chains, “Jumburrito.” Yeah, go ahead, I realize we aren’t all that creative in how we name our Mexican Restaurants here in Texas. But when you have 5 million different chains, the names tend to start running out.

Jumburrito is best known in the Midland area because they win the hot sauce contest every year that the local paper puts on. At least, that’s what I’ve been told. Regardless, they do make a pretty good hot sauce! So good, in fact, I got some extra of both their green and red sauce to take home for later!

Now skip ahead a few days. Hot sauce is on my desk next to my computer. I look at them….. “mmmmm…”, I think, “Those little buckets of hot sauce are starting to look a bit swollen.” Then I let that thought slip from my mind as I continue what I was doing which is goofing around on the computer.

Which is really strange since I now WORK all day on the computer. You’d think I’d have enough of it after doing it laboriously all day long! BUT NO! I come and call it relaxation. Do you think coal miners come home after a hard days work and go in their back yard and dig around for relaxation? I doubt it. Do you think the sewage treatment plant worker comes home and plays with the refuse in his toilet to relax? I somehow doubt it. So why do I come home and get on the computer to relax…I’m thinking this needs some serious consideration on my part.

But, yet again, I digress…

So I’m typing away on the computer, I’m on the phone.

“BOOM!” an explotion goes off next to me! I feel the wet warmth running down my arm! The sudden explosion was so unexpected it startled me greatly. In the matter of a few milliseconds I did my best Carl Lewis long jump impersonation, grabbed my face where I was certain my blood was the wet warmth I felt streaming down my cheek, and pounded my chest to get my heart beating again.

I was certain I had been mortally wounded with a shot to the head! HA! The joke was on the drive by shooter! There’s nothing in my head to harm! No danger of loosing my life with a shot to the head!

Or was it a drive by shooter at all? Maybe is that crazy neighbor lady who likes to peer in on me as I type away. I’m pretty sure she works at the Post Office and you KNOW how those people can get! Where do you think we came up with the term, “going postal?”

You can imagine how I chuckled dryly when I realized I was the victim of a vicious hot sauce explosion. Who knew? I certainly didn’t. Apparently, you can’t leave hot sauce out of the fridge for too long. It expands and explodes!

So here’s my brilliant plan.

Our brave men and women are fighting for us in Iraq. Many of these are same men and women are wounded by road side bombs. So here’s my campaign I’m beginning today (yeah…I’m forgetting about the camels and starting a new campaign….have I mentioned I have ADHD?)…

Let’s all buy all the Jumburitto hot sauce we can, ship it over to Iraq. Our troops can then place these hot sauce containers around their vehicles, in the hot Iraqi sun. It shouldn’t take too long until they spontaniously combust and explode! I can think of no greater weapon of mass destruction!

Come on! Let’s do it for our troops!

You with me!

Oh. And if you do go to Jumburitto and buy hot sauce….leave your air conditioner running and send it in a refrigerated truck. We wouldn’t want it exploding on our postal workers now would we? Who knows…it could be my neighbor.