I Love My Job!!!

It's true! I know it's not American or even popular to admit that I love my job but I just can't help it, I truly do.

The American way seems to be to get up in the morning, put that face on that suggest you have been road hard and put up wet, grab your cup of morning Joe on the way to the office, walk in with head down, grumbling all the way to your desk making sure you never make eye contact with anyone and watch the clock until 5:00 finally rolls around. THEN put a smile on your face, wish everyone a great evening as they finally leave the grind and forced labor they've been enduring for 8 hours only to repeat tomorrow.

Now, did that just sound like your day? Did that just make you hate your job even more? That, my friend, is the way most people view their jobs. They enjoy the weekend but begin to agonize starting around 6:00 Sunday evening because you realize that tomorrow is coming! Only a few hours left until you have the face the dungeon of your reality. The pit that is - the job. (Insert your own dramatic music here).

Before I tell you why I love my job so much you first must grasp a little about my personality (in case you haven't grasped it by reading my blog articles).

The ADHD thing you are already aware of, I've not hidden that from anyone. It's posted all over myspace, in my blog, and I tell anyone who ask. Im relatively certain that had Mr. Webster been alive today, I would have already had my picture inserted next to AHDH in his famous dictionary of English words.

But I also have other, um, issues that you may or may not be aware of.

I like to see people scared. Its true! I love watching horror movies not because they scare me, I find them humorous. I watch them because I love watching you jump out of your seat every time something frightens you. I find that extremely funny! Yes, I was the bratty little boy who put the fake spider in your seats ladies. I was the annoying jerk who would sneak up behind you and scream just to see you jump. If you were one of those little girls I do apologize for my actions. I've since learned to control myself.

Not only do I enjoy seeing people scared but even better is to see people paranoid! (I know, I know, these two things are similar but they are not identical so keep your opinions to yourself!)

As much as I enjoy paying someone back for something mean they have done to me, I much rather enjoy the anticipation they feel knowing it is coming! Knowing that pay-day is someday and not knowing exactly when that day will come.

I love to watch them watching me to see if today is the day because then you can play with them! You can sneak up on them and just say, "Hello" real quietly and it STILL gives them a reaction. Yeah, paranoid is a nice emotion to watch people endure.

By now I'm sure you are wondering what in the world does this have to do with my job. I can see your point. Let me get back on task. In case I have not informed you, I have ADHD (uh, please read 6 paragraphs above in case you missed it the first time) and tend to ramble while trying to make a point. So I often say:

But I digress...

One of the functions I have in my job as...um...not sure what my official title is actually. I THINK it is, "head geek computer guru set up my email dork" but Im not 100% certain on that. It would not fit on a business card anyway.

But again, I digress (told you I said that a lot)...

One of my functions here at the great company I work for is...I manage their network. "SO WHAT" is the lone, singular thought running through your head right now. I realize this. Please allow me to explain.

If you read my previous post, "What About Bob" you will know the VP who hired me was fired (probably not related but I am not sure). One of the reasons, I believe, is that he was visiting some, uh, questionable web-sites while at work.

Surely you can see how this is a problem! We can NOT have VP's or anyone else visiting questionable web-sites while at work! So we discussed blocking sites so no one in the office could visit them. But that also blocks some sites you may need to view (yeah, I'm the who countered with this argument).

So my suggestion was, to send a company wide e-mail that stated, "We are logging all internet activity so please use discretion in the sites you visit." The thought being, now everyone knows Im watching and they will be careful so as not to get caught.

This suddenly gave me an over-whelming since of power that I've not experienced before!

The very next day a lady comes into my office and shuts the door. She tells me, "I was on the internet but was only on food.com (believe me, I believed her if you know what I mean) and I saw a little red eye in the menu. Were you watching me and am I going to get in trouble?"

Now, being someone who is also a control freak by the way and likes to mess with people for no other reason than to mess with them, I answered her thusly, "It is very possible our server has logged your activity. I will not be certain until checking that log this evening. Is there anything you would like to tell me before I view the log? It would be better if you told me instead of me finding out."

OH you should have seen her face! Believe me, we were not watching her, but she doesnt know that!

Then this morning I decided I needed a bit more job security so I crashed the server without warning anyone. I snuck back into my office without anyone seeing me and listened as the entire top floor of the great Citibank building erupted because no one could check their e-mail!

The receptionist rings my line and informs me of the alarms going off in the server room and the server was down! The panic in her voice excited me, I must admit. I asked her, "What did you do? What have you done?" "Nothing!" she assured me, "It just happened when I hit reply and that was it!" I said, "Tell me you did NOT hit reply to all!!!" She wasn't sure.

I run down the hall to the server room and quickly "fix" the server. I was the hero! If given the opportunity I'm certain they would have carried me around on their shoulders for saving the day! As it is, they just got me a cheesecake but I think the cheesecake will look better around my gut so it's all good.

So I have decided, for job security reasons, I am going to crash the server at least once a month just so they know I'm needed.

And, to make sure everyone in the office knows how valuable I am to this organization, I will go to the server room and turn off someone's computer for no apparent reason. Then, when called, I will play around in the control panel, right-clicking on every possible button and text all the while muttering, "oh, this is not good, not good at all." When I leave, they will be miraculously "cured" of all their computer problems and I will get another cheesecake.

And to add to their paranoia, I plan to net send to them from the computer room things like, "you shouldnt have said that to your girlfriend. That wasnt nice" or "nice tie; could you turn toward the plant a little more so I can see it better?"

Oh yeah. I love my job. I will be getting cheesecakes for saving the day and cheesecakes to keep my mouth shut for things I never truly saw!

Oh yeah, I love my job. But I'm sure I'll weigh 400 pounds in no time at all! But do you know what? You don't have to be in shape to be a, "head geek computer guru set up my email dork" so I'm ok with a few extra pounds.